Last year I got stuck on Space Mountain. Well, not stuck in the way that you think of normally where you are trapped on the top of the steepest hill out in the middle of the ride. This was was much less dramatic. It was actually a problem with the release bar. It was stuck in the down position and they couldn't get us out of the cart. So we got to stay on and ride it again. Or maybe it happened for two rounds, I can't really remember. It's all a blur to me. Literally a blur.
See, I get vertigo. Normally I do ok on roller coasters, especially if I can see what is coming. But on Space Mountain you are in the dark, so you never really get oriented to where you are. Then just about the time you figure you are ok, the strobe lights start. That's when it happened. I started spinning. Now I'm pretty sure there are no spins in Space Mountain but it didn't matter, my brain was spinning. Then we get to the spot where at least I'm prepared for what is coming next...I'm getting off the ride and wham, the bar is stuck and I can't get out and it starts all over again.
That's what my life has felt like lately, especially this week. I can't seem to get oriented to where I am and I'm not sure what is going to come at me. The obvious area this is happening in this week is the weather. Wednesday night I ran in 37 degree rain at the track. Cold and painful. Not my favorite. Thursday I woke up to a beautiful winter wonderland at my house only to learn from the TV that I had to go to work. We already know how that went.
Thursday night I get a flash alert that my district is closed on Friday due to ice and possible snow. Friday I awake to the most beautiful sunny winter day ever. I had a lovely day with my sister so that was worth it but jeez, I just can't figure out what is coming.
Today I log into my online grad class to learn that the final has been pushed up and is now due in one week. Crap, one week? Are you kidding me? I also woke up to 19 degree weather so Sean, Sarah and I decided not to participate in the 10K race we were supposed to do as our long run so boom, another plan thwarted this weekend. I'm running tomorrow with a fellow training program friend, but it is still off plan.
And then there is the whole running experience. For a while it was feeling great. Now weird things are cropping up again. Is it an IT issue or the knee? Why is it in the hip on one side and the lateral knee on the other? Are those my shins again? What the heck? Do I use my inserts or not? I just can't seem to figure out what is coming and depending on the day it changes. How am I ever supposed to get better if I can never really figure out what works and what doesn't? Why can't this just be easy?
Sometimes I wish I could figure out who holds this playbook of life. I'd like to steal it just long enough to get a glimpse through the plans. If I could just get some sort of a tiny sense of what is coming.....maybe I could get oriented again. I'd like to feel like I'm on solid ground, and once again headed in the right direction.