Monday, August 9, 2010
Dream a little dream..
I will never forget the day I got up before the sun and stood on my parents back porch and waved as my sister and her family drove away to their new life in North Carolina. That day my heart broke into a million little pieces. I had no idea that it was possible to cry as many tears as I did that day. I never thought I would be whole again.
My sister and I have a bizarre relationship. We are nearly seven years apart, but I believe that we couldn't be closer if we were identical twins. We always joke that we are twins but there was just a slight delay in the birth of the second. She is my best friend and I can't remember any major fight that lasted longer than a few hours or so our entire lives. I was so excited to get her in my life and will treasure her always. A long distance relationship is difficult to maintain. There is no doubt about that, but we have made the best of it with 3000+ miles between us. In the time she has been gone she has had a daughter that I only know through visits a couple times of year at best. But just like her older brother, I couldn't love her more if she was my own.
And so when the e-mail came when I was visiting them last week that there was a slight possibility of a job opportunity back here in Oregon I could hardly contain myself. I listened as they discussed the pros and cons of moving back here, of the job itself, of removing the kids from a school the love and friends they know. I felt selfish for wanting it and tried desperately to convince myself that they are at their home there, that Oregon is my home, not theirs anymore. Yet try as I might, a tiny little flame of hope started burning deep inside my heart that had gone dormant so many years ago.
The process is a slow one and they are no closer to a decision than they were when I was visiting. They did decide to continue with the application process which may lead to an interview which would at least give more information to make the best decision for their family. Her family, not mine. But in the meantime, try as I might not to get my hopes up, I know it is too late. In my head I am planning the fantasy of the return. I keep trying to reel myself back knowing in my brain that this is not reality, but fantasy at this point in time. If it doesn't come through in the end, I will understand and I will pick up the pieces again. I know I will have support to get through it again.
But the dream of what could be..Oh the dream. Imagine what would have happened if so many of the amazing individuals in our lifetimes gave up on the dream. Sometimes it is all we have and I for one am going to revel in it for the time being.