I Got Nothin'

Today I did it. I completed my first entirely solo run. I did six miles all alone, not even running in opposite directions as Sean at the same location. Well, scratch that, we were at the same location if you count Mac Forest as the same location. However, as soon as we parked the car we went in different directions with the agreement of meeting back there in just over an hour. I started off in a terrible frame of mind. I didn't want to run today and I certainly didn't want to run alone. Luckily the Ipod was with me today so at least I had that. Much to my surprise, I learned three things on my run.

First, when running alone, always choose music over silence. I think the songs kept me going most of the time. It was fun to hear the old play lists I had made back when I used to attempt to run on the treadmill. Just when I thought I was done, a song would bring my mood and energy right back up.

Second, I always have more energy in the tank than I think I do. I kept playing these mind games with myself. I hit one mile and figured I'd go to two. I hit two and thought well, I may as well do three. I challenged myself with trees, sign posts, hills, etc. Whatever it took to get me to just keep going. When all was said and done I had run for the full six miles when I only planned to do four.

Third, I will never, ever solve any problems, personal or otherwise while running. I keep thinking that I am going to have some sort of epiphany out there in the solace of the trail run. My mind will calm and all the things I have been worried about or trying to figure out will become clear to me in the peace that is the run. This is a pipe dream for me and I have finally come to grips with the fact that the only thing that becomes clear to me on my runs is my mind. Literally clear. Empty, nada, clean, blank, whatever synonyms for clear you can find is in fact, my mind, on a run. I believe I more closely resemble a dog from the Labrador family than a member of the human species. I notice the occasional flower or bend of a beautiful tree. I notice the others along the way and can get my wits about me enough to smile and say hello. But as for solving any problems of the day, I experience the exact opposite effect. My mind becomes quiet. I think of nothing except the song in my ear or the sights around me and even then they don't really interrupt the silence much at all. Time stands still and I just run.

As we drove home I was lamenting to Sean about how frustrated I am at my lack of ability to use my time productively and think and figure stuff out during these hours we spend out in the woods. He looked me straight in the eye and said "Maybe that is the best thing for you and exactly what you need. Your mind is constantly going a mile a minute and you can't shut it down even when you want to." "Maybe this is exactly what your brain should be doing when you run".

Well, I'll be damned. He may be right. I guess I'll have to try and figure it out on my next run.