Sean and I just got home from the "Celebration of Life" of his step brother who basically died of complications of being an alcoholic. At 47. What a depressing load of crap.
I know I am normally sarcastic and funny on this my blog, but I'm just not feeling it so much right now. 47. That is exactly 6 years away from where I'm at right now. While I don't have a drinking problem myself, I still think what a sad, sad waste has occurred.
I'm not going to spend a lot of time dwelling on the depressing nature or the details of the event. What struck me as so strange is the fact that all anyone could say was how sweet he was and the overarching theme was that of childlike innocence. No major accomplishments, no family left behind other than the family he was born into. There were childhood friends who have lost touch. There was a 1st grade teacher. And there were parents, who seemed to busy themselves with the day so that they didn't have to think about the reason.
Steps. How did that particular phrase come to be anyway? Steps are what you use to raise things up. What do they have to do with making people become a family? How does kids of the woman your father marries suddenly become your "family". We were asked to attend a "family" function after the event. We declined. The only "family" of ours was Sean's Mom and we already showed our support for her. We avoided that side of the family in life, why would we embrace it in death?
Rambling. That is what is happening here. I don't know why other than it was just so damn depressing of an afternoon. Life, over at 47 mostly by choice. I just don't get it. Nothing much to show for it except a room full of confused people wondering the same thing. I hope at my funeral there are things to celebrate and people who are excited to have known me and to have been in my life. I want to embrace the life I make for myself.
Take a look around you. Tell those you love that you love them. Seize the day, live your life and make your choices. If it matters, make it matter, if it doesn't, let it go. Life is too damn short for all the bullshit.