Speaking of Bullshit

My last blog post was all about senseless death and the bullshit we focus on in life. I guess this is a carry over from that.

Cause we are smack dab in the middle of a big pile of bullshit right now.

Job bullshit, marriage bullshit, just a bunch of senseless crap everywhere.

I think it's time for a step back and a trip to the woods. Maybe that will happen tomorrow and everything will look better.

I sure hope so.

Tired Ramblings

Sean and I just got home from the "Celebration of Life" of his step brother who basically died of complications of being an alcoholic. At 47. What a depressing load of crap.

I know I am normally sarcastic and funny on this my blog, but I'm just not feeling it so much right now. 47. That is exactly 6 years away from where I'm at right now. While I don't have a drinking problem myself, I still think what a sad, sad waste has occurred.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time dwelling on the depressing nature or the details of the event. What struck me as so strange is the fact that all anyone could say was how sweet he was and the overarching theme was that of childlike innocence. No major accomplishments, no family left behind other than the family he was born into. There were childhood friends who have lost touch. There was a 1st grade teacher. And there were parents, who seemed to busy themselves with the day so that they didn't have to think about the reason.

Steps. How did that particular phrase come to be anyway? Steps are what you use to raise things up. What do they have to do with making people become a family? How does kids of the woman your father marries suddenly become your "family". We were asked to attend a "family" function after the event. We declined. The only "family" of ours was Sean's Mom and we already showed our support for her. We avoided that side of the family in life, why would we embrace it in death?

Rambling. That is what is happening here. I don't know why other than it was just so damn depressing of an afternoon. Life, over at 47 mostly by choice. I just don't get it. Nothing much to show for it except a room full of confused people wondering the same thing. I hope at my funeral there are things to celebrate and people who are excited to have known me and to have been in my life. I want to embrace the life I make for myself.

Take a look around you. Tell those you love that you love them. Seize the day, live your life and make your choices. If it matters, make it matter, if it doesn't, let it go. Life is too damn short for all the bullshit.

Stranger than Fiction

I'm training my class this year with a dog clicker. Yes I said it, a dog clicker. Conditioned response is the name of the game. I click, they stop talking. Yes, it's all about the response. Speaking of which, here are some priceless stories so far this year.

Like the kid who came back from recess to put his coat in his locker only to discover a lacy blue thong had fallen from the sleeve. Not initially noting their original location, he proceeded to swing them around on his index finger indignantly asking " Who did this?" Who put underwear on my coat? "Mrs. Ross' did you do this as a joke?"

My immediate response was to rack my brain as to how a 7th grader lost her underwear in our room, prior to coming to my senses and the more likely mishap of a mom doing her laundry with her kid's coat. A discrete drop in the backpack and a call the next day confirmed that those in fact were hers. And for the record when it happened I did what my friend Erin likes to call "lost my shit". I laughed hysterically. The sight of an 8 year old boy swinging a thong around on is finger trying desperately to determine it's owner was more than I could take and I lost it. I can't help it, it was hands down in nearly 8 years of classroom experience, the most funny moment ever.

Or the birthday party that happened today. Birthday parties are normal at school, however usually they involve only a parent sending in treats. It is rare that the parent actually shows up to deliver the goods and pass them out and clean up. And then there was today. Both parents showed up along with both sets of grandparents, and about a dozen cameras to boot. It was like a freakin' family reunion. "Oh so sorry, don't mind us 3rd graders trying to conduct a class here". Ironically it was the same family. Sean asked if she brought more underwear. I of course thought in my head "yes, panty favors for all".

And then there is my daily battle with two different kiddos on opposite sides of the mental health spectrum that makes everyday a joy because much like the box of chocolates...you just never know what you are going to get.

Oh, and the kid in my PE class who wants to be a boy and is pissed off that people have figured out she isn't. This revelation occured after the the big argument about how kids were being mean to "him" by saying "he's a girl". "Well, she is a girl" was my response. No "he's" not came back at me, followed quickly by "when did Mrs. Ross become a meanie, she used to be so nice."

And finally, for the record, if you ever get into a battle of the "my dad is stronger than your dad"variety between 3rd graders and it seems there is no end in sight, I've found the trump card. The exchange in my room went something like this:

"Hey Mrs. Ross, my Dad can lift like 750 pounds of weights, can your dad?"

"nope"

"why?"
(boy 2) "Duh, because he is too old"

Boy 1 " oh, well then can he lift like 200lbs"

me: "nope"

"jeez, can your dad lift any weights at all?"

me: "nope"

Kid-"he can't lift any weights at all? Really? Why isn't he strong at all?"

Me: "nope"

Kid-why not?

Me: "cause he is dead, my Dad died a few years ago"

Kid: "Oh man mrs. ross- that sucks!"

me: Tell me about it.

Normally I don't allow the word "sucks" in my room but it did seem appropriate here. Harsh, yes, but damn it was funny. And somehow I'm betting that my old dad got a kick out of that one too!

Weekend? What Weekend?

This entire weekend was spent getting ready for the room mate. We emptied a closet, actually two and dismantled and rebuilt an office. Serves me right having to work the entire weekend to get it done. I was supposed to have cleaned and decluttered the office during my summer break. But alas, I did not.

So we spent the weekend getting the spare room converted into a short stint bedroom for our much anticipated and very welcome brother in law. It is going to be a super fun 3 months!

We can't wait for him to get here. It is going to be a blast.

But I would like my weekend back. I think I need a weekend to recover from our weekend.

Motivation in a Cowbell!

This is my shiny new cowbell. I earned it today by swimming. In the water. At the gym. This cowbell is really what got me through it. Olivia walked in and announced " I have your cowbell". Those four words were all it took to make me jump into the water and give it my all.

You have to truly know my core dislike of the water to understand the magnitude of the power of the cowbell. When I was two I fell in a river and nearly drown. My mother, who was never much of a swimmer herself saved me. I didn't think it affected me. I took swimming lessons as a kid in school and a few at the local pool over the summers of my youth. But as anyone who has watched kid swimming lessons knows, those are not mad skills and as long as they don't drown, they will most likely pass the lessons. That was when I stopped swimming. My career ended at 12. I'm not actually sure I ever put my whole face in the water. Now here I am at 41 trying to swim again. This is where I learned how fearful I am about the water. I panic, I choke, I feel like I can't breathe. I just want out of the water. I think, that river of so long ago haunts me still.

Today something strange happened. Sure, the lure of the cowbell is what really got me in there. This is my second cowbell and like this one, the first was earned by exercise. That was a 5k though, piece of cake compared to this one. But as I was swimming, well, something that sort of resembles swimming, I began to see the draw of the sport. In the water I felt weightless. The sense of quiet calm (well except for the breathing panic) was just out of reach. But I had a glimpse of it a time or two. It's out there and it makes me wonder if possibly, just possibly is this my sport?

So as I waited for Olivia to go get my well earned cowbell for me, I was shocked and amazed to hear my own voice answer this question she posed as she headed into the locker room...

Olivia: "same time next week?"-(referring to our weekly personal training sessions),

"Yes" I said,

Olivia: "pool or gym?"

"Pool!"

Wow, I said "pool" with out even thinking. There is no cowbell. There is no motivation. Well, except the motivation to get better, and maybe to find the calm, the quiet, the exact opposite of everything else in my days.

I'll let you know next week.

Insane fun!

This is the after picture of the First Friday clan after we finished the Warrior Dash yesterday. I have never in my life been that filthy before. Nor have I ever had that much good clean (oxymornic comment I know) fun. For 48 minutes I was a kid again!

We signed up for this event when we first heard about it in the spring. The idea is a 5k trail run with a bunch of crazy obstacles thrown in for good measure. It's billed as "The craziest frickin' day of your life" and they aren't kidding! The trail run itself would have been challenging enough with some crazy steep climbs and descents, but along the way we got to wade through chest deep 50 degree water and climb over logs, climb cargo nets, scale hay bale pyramid stacks, repel down steep embankments, climb over old cars, weave through crazy yarn mazes, climb a vertical ladder, and army crawl through a mud pit complete with barbed wire to keep you honest and low (ask Sean about that, he lost a bandanna on the poky part!) . Oh yeah and my personal hands down favorite obstacle; fire jumping!



I honestly can't believe I did this event. I never would have thought I'd love it as much as I did. Do I have any regrets? Why yes I do, just one. I regret that I have to wait an entire year before I can do this again!

They run like 5 events across the country. I wonder if I could follow them like a groupie. A Warrior Dash groupie. Yes, I think I've found something to add to my bucket list......

Super Star!

PT today was not pretty. I've become one of those people who are stuck in the past. I work through the exercises with the strength of a grandma with a walker. My pride no longer exists. It was lost long ago. I keep replaying June over and over in my mind. I could run 13 miles then. I can't run 13 blocks now. It's pathetic and so am I at this point. I have become one of "them".

It's a good thing I don't have children or I'd be one of those parents like the one's my co-worker Jason had to deal with last night at our Open House for the new school year. He teaches PE for the 3rd-7th graders. We have PE everyday which is fantastic and will hopefully make a difference in the probably 60% obesity rate I saw in the kids that came to visit last night. But while my families were asking about schedules and materials and generally academically oriented issues, poor Jason had entirely different conversations.

His entire evening was spent listening to the glory days of the parents PE experiences. Or of their HS sports, or even a few in college. No one cares what he is going to be teaching the kids or what they need to be able to do. Nope, they want to talk about the incredible athletic prowess of their youth. How Nike never recruited these folks is a mystery because clearly they were Super Stars. Now they watch sports instead of play sports. They push their kids and talk about how great they were as they drive through McDonalds. They've got six packs alright, well except for the ones who buy it by the case. Yup, those are some Super Stars there.

I don't want to be a Super Star. I don't want my glory days to be in June of 2010. I need to pony up and get with the program. Apparently this involves me getting off the couch and into the pool. ICK. No one, but no one needs to see me in a swimsuit. But after last night combined with this morning's PT, I guess getting into the pool is a better option than upping my ESPN cable package. I wonder how much it costs to put in a private pool.....